So...Hugo Chavez is not helping the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia at all. He's not in communication with them, either.
Oh, wait...maybe he is. But he'll still tell you he's not.
Seriously? Come on Hugo. We're not stupid. We know that those fancy Swedish weapons are going to Colombia. And you're express shipping them to FARC. Computers (like Shakira's hips), don't lie. And we've got evidence from your high up advisors AND the FARC computers! Imagine that! International intelligence! HA!
So, man up. Put your big girl panties on and admit that you're in big time with FARC. You like it rough and you're playing hard to get; but we know the truth. We've got the Veritiserum and we've poured a whole bunch in your mug of Butter Beer. So pay your tab at the Three Witches and get on out. Because Shakira, Harry Potter & the UN are onto you. Oh, and Barack Obama (he's come to save the day!).
And since I don't have my own tag line yet, I'll borrow one of the best: "That's all the news that's fit to print."